CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you had me at cake vodka
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
