May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
