im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
