This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This house was built for laser tag.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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