remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
