that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
