you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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