just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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