My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
