totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
