T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Send help, water and tortillas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
