After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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