can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
