a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
