I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize