I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
