I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
