What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
