just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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