Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
