You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
