I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
