Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
