How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize