he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
