Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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