I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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