She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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