Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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