I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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