Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
