FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
