I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
