Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
