i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
