I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
