Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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