Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
