Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
