omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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