i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
