Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
