I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
