Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
