After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
