yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's get the cat blown out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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