I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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