Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
