This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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