It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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