Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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