I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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