also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
