??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
