Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
