Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize