Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
