I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just had sex bonerless
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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