hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
