Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
