omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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