Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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