I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
