so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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