Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I made him laugh his dick is mine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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