So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
