I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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