is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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