good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
