very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
