Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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