this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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