just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
